What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 01:46
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
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We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He knew the spot.
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She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
All the time i was locked up.
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He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I said to her
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
We all went to grammer schools
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
How are Hinduism and Sikhism related, considering they both originated in Punjab, India?
It was going to be , some day.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why does everyone hate Ed Sheeran so much?
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Ive learnt so much.
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I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Was to survive, this bastard.
Why have Indian girls almost stopped wearing sarees?
I write beautiful poetry .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
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But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Especially a lifetime of it.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
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But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was seconnd youngest,
She found it foreign!.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was very sick at this time too.
Comes on , in middle age.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Put me off passion for life!!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
What did i know ?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My family never makes their pension either.
I was 9 years of age.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I don,t even have a pension.
I think the readers, may guess!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
My life is so biszare .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Im still living with it.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I know ,a lot about trauma.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She was in good health!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
So, i spoilt her more .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He resisted the act ,that day.
But it wasn’t much.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Who then, do I blame.?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Would this be the day?
This is soul school!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I was scared of men, in general
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Why did i forgive my father ?
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As i do to all so called friends.?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I will be 64.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But ive been too sick for many years..
I could never make a relationship work though!
So whats the point in blame.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I have no regrets .
We were not on the streets..
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I couldn’t, believe it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She loved him until the end.
One cannot live in the past .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And i lived it daily.
I waited trembling.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But, we were locked up after school.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
When she asked me how she looked .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She married twice! .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She wouldn,t have been !
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.